May Bossy,
Thursdays Thoughts:
- great, I am just getting used to typing May, and now I have to switch to June. Well, soon. See you soon June
- being sick is like getting stuck in rush hour traffic. There's not much you can do to speed up the process, and you feel like laying a beat down on everyone around you. That and the anger. So much anger.
- I am considering walking into my boss' office, hacking up a lung, and going home for the day. Of course that wouldn't be pretty for anybody, so lets just suck it up and stop whining alright princess.
- Boy princesses sure get a bad rap. I'm sure its mostly justified
- what is Honey boo boo? And why is that a thing? That should not be a thing
- My brain feels like Indiana Jones, trapped in a room where the walls are all closing in on each other. Only this isn't the movies so there is no last possible second escape
- Did they actually make an Indiana Jones movie there a while back? Or did I just dream that? In my dream the movie really sucked. Hopefully it was a dream because that would mean you haven't seen it, and would never have to watch it.
- Names from other countries can be quite amusing.
- Two more days and this week from H E double hockey sticks is over.
- I must be sick because I'm not even craving my morning beer
- Is it taboo to drink at work? If so I've been booing that ta since the phonograph was born
- I may have made that up. Pressure on the brain sometimes squeezes out the leftover gribblies at the back
- give my love to Mabel
watchoutforthatweekendsheisacoming,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
May Ciccarelli,
Sleep is underated. I could sleep alot more if I had time. And when I am short on sleep, that's all I can think about. Also you get crappy posts like this. I am older than time. Old man Esqie.
Alright enough with the old stuff. Let's youngify this a bit.
That sounded really creepy.
Well I'm pretty sure that Beeber thing has finally worn out his welcome. Didn't see that coming...
Waterworld is an underated movie. I don't know why that movie did so poorly. It's hilarious. Oh its not a comedy you say? Well licorice wasn't supposed to be a straw either but look how good that turned out. You know what Costner movie sucks that I used to think was awesome? Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I was young. Give me a break. And I wasn't the only one who liked it. I watched it like 5 years ago and man that movie blows chunks. (That means throws up to the lay person. And no one likes throw up)
Well this post seems incoherrent babble enough for my liking.
sometimestheramblingsofanoldmanDOmakesense,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Sleep is underated. I could sleep alot more if I had time. And when I am short on sleep, that's all I can think about. Also you get crappy posts like this. I am older than time. Old man Esqie.
Alright enough with the old stuff. Let's youngify this a bit.
That sounded really creepy.
Well I'm pretty sure that Beeber thing has finally worn out his welcome. Didn't see that coming...
Waterworld is an underated movie. I don't know why that movie did so poorly. It's hilarious. Oh its not a comedy you say? Well licorice wasn't supposed to be a straw either but look how good that turned out. You know what Costner movie sucks that I used to think was awesome? Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I was young. Give me a break. And I wasn't the only one who liked it. I watched it like 5 years ago and man that movie blows chunks. (That means throws up to the lay person. And no one likes throw up)
Well this post seems incoherrent babble enough for my liking.
sometimestheramblingsofanoldmanDOmakesense,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
May Forsberg,
Tuesday's Fairytale Criteek
This week: Cinderella
The tale is called "Aschenputtel" "Cinder-Fool" in English, (which is a nickname her evil stepsisters give her because she sleeps by the fire in a cold room to keep warm and is covered in cinder)
Ok then.
Plot:
There are hundreds of variations from various countries that involve fish, crabs, magic bones, boiling her stepsister alive and feeding it to her stepmother (seriously look it up), and some versions with brothers instead of sisters, but let's focus on the version made famous by the brother's Grimm:
Girl loves her mommy but the mommy dies. Her father remarries a woman with two daughters. The step mother and step sisters abuse her, steal her things and force her to do all the chores. She remains good and kind. Her dad buys her stepsisters everything they want, and buys her a twig. She plants the twig on her mothers grave and waters it with her tears and a magic tree grows along with a magic bird. The king throws a festival to find the prince a wife. The step sisters get all dolled up and leave Cinderella at home. The magic bird supes her up and she goes and wins the prince's heart. She runs away before midnight and loses a tire. The prince finds the shoe and says that he will marry the girl who's foot fits in the shoe. The stepmother tells one daughter to cut off her toes so she fits in the shoe, and the prince somehow doesn't notice that she has no toes and has a bloody foot and doesn't look like Cinderella, but the magic bird warns him that he is an idiot and shows him the blood on her foot. The stepmother tells the other daughter to cut off her heal, and again, he is an idiot. The bird tells him a second time that the girl is a bloody footed lieing tramp. Then the father tells the prince he has a MAID (not his own daughter), so the prince tries her foot and it fits and he marries her. Then the magic bird PECKS OUT THE STEPSISTERS EYES! They live happily ever after (well not the step sisters I suppose).
There is so much disturbing material in this story I don't even know where to begin: Again with the evil stepmother and this time step sisters. And again with the father that lets the new wife abuse and belittle his own kin without even caring about it. And then he denies she is even his daughter! And yet AGAIN the father gets off with no consequences. What kind of message are you trying to send here? And how dumb is this prince? He will marry the first girl that fits a shoe? Are there really that many different sizes of feet? What if he ended up with an old lady? Or a kid? Come on man. And he is too dumb to notice a bloody stump of a foot while he is putting a shoe on a woman? Twice? And don't you remember what the girl looked like? Something tells me Cinderella should have held out for someone a little smarter. And birds pecking out people's eyes? This is just getting ridiculous.
The moral? All stepmothers and sisters are evil and all fathers can ingnore and neglect their kids without consequence and magic will appear and solve everything and watch out for birds pecking out your eyes.
wowourancestorshadsomemessedupbedtimestories,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Tuesday's Fairytale Criteek
This week: Cinderella
The tale is called "Aschenputtel" "Cinder-Fool" in English, (which is a nickname her evil stepsisters give her because she sleeps by the fire in a cold room to keep warm and is covered in cinder)
Ok then.
Plot:
There are hundreds of variations from various countries that involve fish, crabs, magic bones, boiling her stepsister alive and feeding it to her stepmother (seriously look it up), and some versions with brothers instead of sisters, but let's focus on the version made famous by the brother's Grimm:
Girl loves her mommy but the mommy dies. Her father remarries a woman with two daughters. The step mother and step sisters abuse her, steal her things and force her to do all the chores. She remains good and kind. Her dad buys her stepsisters everything they want, and buys her a twig. She plants the twig on her mothers grave and waters it with her tears and a magic tree grows along with a magic bird. The king throws a festival to find the prince a wife. The step sisters get all dolled up and leave Cinderella at home. The magic bird supes her up and she goes and wins the prince's heart. She runs away before midnight and loses a tire. The prince finds the shoe and says that he will marry the girl who's foot fits in the shoe. The stepmother tells one daughter to cut off her toes so she fits in the shoe, and the prince somehow doesn't notice that she has no toes and has a bloody foot and doesn't look like Cinderella, but the magic bird warns him that he is an idiot and shows him the blood on her foot. The stepmother tells the other daughter to cut off her heal, and again, he is an idiot. The bird tells him a second time that the girl is a bloody footed lieing tramp. Then the father tells the prince he has a MAID (not his own daughter), so the prince tries her foot and it fits and he marries her. Then the magic bird PECKS OUT THE STEPSISTERS EYES! They live happily ever after (well not the step sisters I suppose).
There is so much disturbing material in this story I don't even know where to begin: Again with the evil stepmother and this time step sisters. And again with the father that lets the new wife abuse and belittle his own kin without even caring about it. And then he denies she is even his daughter! And yet AGAIN the father gets off with no consequences. What kind of message are you trying to send here? And how dumb is this prince? He will marry the first girl that fits a shoe? Are there really that many different sizes of feet? What if he ended up with an old lady? Or a kid? Come on man. And he is too dumb to notice a bloody stump of a foot while he is putting a shoe on a woman? Twice? And don't you remember what the girl looked like? Something tells me Cinderella should have held out for someone a little smarter. And birds pecking out people's eyes? This is just getting ridiculous.
The moral? All stepmothers and sisters are evil and all fathers can ingnore and neglect their kids without consequence and magic will appear and solve everything and watch out for birds pecking out your eyes.
wowourancestorshadsomemessedupbedtimestories,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
May Clark,
As I kick your butt off into the weekend today, I am reminded of the wise old sage Donald S. Cherry's words of wisdom:
"I was watching the figure skating the other day, and you know who I saw there? The scouts for the Winnipeg Jets, they were looking for their next draft pick!"
Basically, what I'm trying to say is...well I'm not entirely sure. But I'm sure that you can apply this somehow to your situation and use it to get out of the starting blocks a bit faster. Although as Usain Bolt has proven, a slow start doesn't really matter if you are freakishly insanely faster than everybody else. But there's always silver...
This post is going off the rails. I better quit while I am flipped over flaming in the ditch here. In this situation I am reminded of the wise words of the great Homer J. Simpson:
"I'll get us out of this! It's just gonna take a whole lotta floorin!"
thankgoodnessyouhavetheweekendtolookforwardto,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
As I kick your butt off into the weekend today, I am reminded of the wise old sage Donald S. Cherry's words of wisdom:
"I was watching the figure skating the other day, and you know who I saw there? The scouts for the Winnipeg Jets, they were looking for their next draft pick!"
Basically, what I'm trying to say is...well I'm not entirely sure. But I'm sure that you can apply this somehow to your situation and use it to get out of the starting blocks a bit faster. Although as Usain Bolt has proven, a slow start doesn't really matter if you are freakishly insanely faster than everybody else. But there's always silver...
This post is going off the rails. I better quit while I am flipped over flaming in the ditch here. In this situation I am reminded of the wise words of the great Homer J. Simpson:
"I'll get us out of this! It's just gonna take a whole lotta floorin!"
thankgoodnessyouhavetheweekendtolookforwardto,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
May Hull,
Thursday's Thoughts:
time for one of you's (out of one) favorite weekly installment
- I am getting so old. I drink vegetable juice, get up before 6am and go to bed early. I might as well start drinking prune juice, driving slow and yelling at kids.
- that last one sounds like fun
- engineers are stupid. I am one, I realize that, but I'm just sayin
- sometimes in life you have to fart in someone's general direction, and not let them in your castle
- arbitration can be arbitrarily avoided
- I went to alliteration school
- Or is it illiteration?
- I didn't go to grammer school. I'm a numbers guy. I can remember numbers, but names...
- I need to go to grammergarten
- I've had alot of concussions in my time
- hitting the gym is great, but sometimes those LOUD people at the gym just make you want to flying spear them into the weight rack
- has them peoples in Dubai outbuilt themselves into the sky yet? They better watch out for the moon
- tomorrow is Friday, payday, AND the start of a long weekend. Trifecta hat trick baby.
- North Korea, you still there buddy?
- puck tonight and ima snipe some more genos. Point per game player this year booyeeee.
- I do realize that 3 points in 3 games is not earth shattering, but you know what, shut up
roofdaddytopshelfsticksidefiveholetoo,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Thursday's Thoughts:
time for one of you's (out of one) favorite weekly installment
- I am getting so old. I drink vegetable juice, get up before 6am and go to bed early. I might as well start drinking prune juice, driving slow and yelling at kids.
- that last one sounds like fun
- engineers are stupid. I am one, I realize that, but I'm just sayin
- sometimes in life you have to fart in someone's general direction, and not let them in your castle
- arbitration can be arbitrarily avoided
- I went to alliteration school
- Or is it illiteration?
- I didn't go to grammer school. I'm a numbers guy. I can remember numbers, but names...
- I need to go to grammergarten
- I've had alot of concussions in my time
- hitting the gym is great, but sometimes those LOUD people at the gym just make you want to flying spear them into the weight rack
- has them peoples in Dubai outbuilt themselves into the sky yet? They better watch out for the moon
- tomorrow is Friday, payday, AND the start of a long weekend. Trifecta hat trick baby.
- North Korea, you still there buddy?
- puck tonight and ima snipe some more genos. Point per game player this year booyeeee.
- I do realize that 3 points in 3 games is not earth shattering, but you know what, shut up
roofdaddytopshelfsticksidefiveholetoo,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
May Verbeek,
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
Got you.
Well to quote the great Mike Tyson, "everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face."
That's how this week has felt. The wife and I have been scrambling like eggs on a Sunday's morn. This moving stuff is not fun. How do people flip houses (that they live in) for a living? That is not worth the cash amigo.
Of course I'm not quite as svelte as I usetacould, so I am exhausted from lugging heavy things around my house. I wonder if I should take steroids, just for a couple of weeks to power me through? Couldn't hurt!
I'm way to scared of needles to try that.
Well, I'm ofta solve some problems y'all.
thinkmynewbosswouldmindifitookmyfirsttwoweeksoff?
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
Got you.
Well to quote the great Mike Tyson, "everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face."
That's how this week has felt. The wife and I have been scrambling like eggs on a Sunday's morn. This moving stuff is not fun. How do people flip houses (that they live in) for a living? That is not worth the cash amigo.
Of course I'm not quite as svelte as I usetacould, so I am exhausted from lugging heavy things around my house. I wonder if I should take steroids, just for a couple of weeks to power me through? Couldn't hurt!
I'm way to scared of needles to try that.
Well, I'm ofta solve some problems y'all.
thinkmynewbosswouldmindifitookmyfirsttwoweeksoff?
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
May Shanahan,
Tuesday's Fairly Tale Critique (last week I critiqued Rumpelstiltskin or however you spell that)
Each Tuesday I'm going to tear a fairytale to shreds.
Hansel and Gretel
Hänsel und Gretel, diminutives of Johannes and Margarete, which apparently means they are shorthand or nicknames for the other names.
Ok then.
Plot: A poor woodcutter, his two kids, and their abusive step-mother live by a forest (makes sense, since he's a woodcutter). A famine falls over the land. The stepmother insists that they take the kids out into the forest and leave them to die, because they eat too much food. The father reluctantly agrees. The kids leave a trail of rocks to find their way back, the parents desert them again, but make sure they have no rocks. They leave a trail of breadcrumbs this time, but the birds eat them all and they get lost. They stumble upon a house made entirely of candy. They begin to gorge themselves on the candy. An old lady comes out and lures them in with the promise of soft beds and good food. It turns out she is a cannibal, and a witch (the magic house made of candy wasn't a giveaway there?) and locks Hansel in a cage to fatten him up. Gretel becomes her slave girl. The boy tricks her with a bone he found in the cage from a prevoius boy into thinking it is his finger and he is still skinny. Her sight is so bad she believes it. She decides to eat him anyway, be he "fat or lean". She decides she is hungry enough to eat Gretel too. She asks Gretel to lean over the oven to check if it is hot enough. Gretel asks the witch to show her what she means. The witch leans over and Gretel pushes her in and locks the door, leaving the "ungodly witch to be burned to ashes". She rescues Hansel and they find a vase full of treasure and riches. A swan ferries them across an expanse of water that somehow appears, or else they just went around last time for some reason (hey why not take the magic swan, gotta be faster). They find their home and for unknown reasons their stepmother is dead. The father has been lamenting his kids and they all live happily ever after.
There is so much disturbing material in this story I don't even know where to begin: I feel I may be saying that every Tuesday. Ok so a father is more worried about gettin some, then his own kids, so he agrees to desert them to die, and yet when they come back they just forgive him and blame it on the stepmother? He didn't try to stop her! He went along with it! And come on, your family is short on food? You live by a forest and you have an axe. Get your family some food man. The failings of this father are somehow ignored in this story. And what is the point of leaving a trail of stuff to find their way back? Meaningless plot filler. Ok now the messed up part. A cannibal witch? That eats kids? Come on. And she has the power to build a house out of candy, that somehow stands up to the weather and doesn't rot, yet she can't tell the difference between a bone and a finger, or be smart enough to not bend over in front of a stove when she intends to do the same trick to the girl? And I have to say, I don't know alot of little girls who wouldn't be so terrified of a magic witch that they would have the stones to push her into a fire and lock the door. That is some stone cold killing power. And the magic swan? Enough with the plot filler. And they get home and the step-mother is dead? So was she the witch? Did the dad kill her? Major plot hole there. And the kids aren't even just a little mad that their dad deserted them and they just share their treasure with him? Something isn't adding up there
The moral? If your father ever remarries it will be to a psycho who wants you to die and may or may not be a cannibalistic witch and houses made of candy just might be too good to be true and never trust old people.
This might be my favorite new theme of the week! It's like a shiny new gizmo! I like it even better than Thursdays Thoughts!
ourancestorshadasicksenseofhumor,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Tuesday's Fairly Tale Critique (last week I critiqued Rumpelstiltskin or however you spell that)
Each Tuesday I'm going to tear a fairytale to shreds.
Hansel and Gretel
Hänsel und Gretel, diminutives of Johannes and Margarete, which apparently means they are shorthand or nicknames for the other names.
Ok then.
Plot: A poor woodcutter, his two kids, and their abusive step-mother live by a forest (makes sense, since he's a woodcutter). A famine falls over the land. The stepmother insists that they take the kids out into the forest and leave them to die, because they eat too much food. The father reluctantly agrees. The kids leave a trail of rocks to find their way back, the parents desert them again, but make sure they have no rocks. They leave a trail of breadcrumbs this time, but the birds eat them all and they get lost. They stumble upon a house made entirely of candy. They begin to gorge themselves on the candy. An old lady comes out and lures them in with the promise of soft beds and good food. It turns out she is a cannibal, and a witch (the magic house made of candy wasn't a giveaway there?) and locks Hansel in a cage to fatten him up. Gretel becomes her slave girl. The boy tricks her with a bone he found in the cage from a prevoius boy into thinking it is his finger and he is still skinny. Her sight is so bad she believes it. She decides to eat him anyway, be he "fat or lean". She decides she is hungry enough to eat Gretel too. She asks Gretel to lean over the oven to check if it is hot enough. Gretel asks the witch to show her what she means. The witch leans over and Gretel pushes her in and locks the door, leaving the "ungodly witch to be burned to ashes". She rescues Hansel and they find a vase full of treasure and riches. A swan ferries them across an expanse of water that somehow appears, or else they just went around last time for some reason (hey why not take the magic swan, gotta be faster). They find their home and for unknown reasons their stepmother is dead. The father has been lamenting his kids and they all live happily ever after.
There is so much disturbing material in this story I don't even know where to begin: I feel I may be saying that every Tuesday. Ok so a father is more worried about gettin some, then his own kids, so he agrees to desert them to die, and yet when they come back they just forgive him and blame it on the stepmother? He didn't try to stop her! He went along with it! And come on, your family is short on food? You live by a forest and you have an axe. Get your family some food man. The failings of this father are somehow ignored in this story. And what is the point of leaving a trail of stuff to find their way back? Meaningless plot filler. Ok now the messed up part. A cannibal witch? That eats kids? Come on. And she has the power to build a house out of candy, that somehow stands up to the weather and doesn't rot, yet she can't tell the difference between a bone and a finger, or be smart enough to not bend over in front of a stove when she intends to do the same trick to the girl? And I have to say, I don't know alot of little girls who wouldn't be so terrified of a magic witch that they would have the stones to push her into a fire and lock the door. That is some stone cold killing power. And the magic swan? Enough with the plot filler. And they get home and the step-mother is dead? So was she the witch? Did the dad kill her? Major plot hole there. And the kids aren't even just a little mad that their dad deserted them and they just share their treasure with him? Something isn't adding up there
The moral? If your father ever remarries it will be to a psycho who wants you to die and may or may not be a cannibalistic witch and houses made of candy just might be too good to be true and never trust old people.
This might be my favorite new theme of the week! It's like a shiny new gizmo! I like it even better than Thursdays Thoughts!
ourancestorshadasicksenseofhumor,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Monday, May 13, 2013
May Zhamnov,
Mail-it-in-munday
Time to no-try this munday morning kickstart. I think today lets get things rollin on this week like a golf ball bouncing down a waterslide (even my analogies get half-arsed on mondays).
So unglaze those eyes, caffine up that brain, do up that low hanging fly, and grind out this monday so its Tuesday already. Because we both know we are excited for tomorrow's fairly tale of the week.
So, ya'no, get to work ya bunch of slack jawed yokels.
soonyouwillbebackinthegroove,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Mail-it-in-munday
Time to no-try this munday morning kickstart. I think today lets get things rollin on this week like a golf ball bouncing down a waterslide (even my analogies get half-arsed on mondays).
So unglaze those eyes, caffine up that brain, do up that low hanging fly, and grind out this monday so its Tuesday already. Because we both know we are excited for tomorrow's fairly tale of the week.
So, ya'no, get to work ya bunch of slack jawed yokels.
soonyouwillbebackinthegroove,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Friday, May 10, 2013
May Bure,
Climb into your Friday cannons people.
Today is an especially special Furday, as I am travelling 5 hours away to search for some temporary housing in my new locale of employment. I am going to work on site for a year and will need to rent a dumptruck to take home my paycheque every two weeks (this may be slightly exagerated). Its going to be hard to leave but its only for a year and then I'll be back. I may have to change up the timing of this a bit, write in the evenings or something, but I will still be filling your eyes with gold.
And the mog posts might have a bit more of a Saskatchewan flavor. Goin back to ma roots. Great Western brewing company here I come. No longer will I have to smuggle you across the border to get my fix. Your sales are about to take a spike.
As for your Friday today, make it a bing-banger. Do some mucking in the corners (this is hockey slang, I know it sounds dirty but get your mind out of the gutter, there are kids around, it is a completely legimate hockey term) dig that puck out and saucer into the slot to be one-timed top corner where you hide the candy in the pantry.
Woah, sorry bout that my hockey brain spewed forth there. Let's get back to reality. It's Friday, sunny spring day and the birds are chirping. Whip them reigns and lets get these horses runnin!
springisintheunderwear,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
Climb into your Friday cannons people.
Today is an especially special Furday, as I am travelling 5 hours away to search for some temporary housing in my new locale of employment. I am going to work on site for a year and will need to rent a dumptruck to take home my paycheque every two weeks (this may be slightly exagerated). Its going to be hard to leave but its only for a year and then I'll be back. I may have to change up the timing of this a bit, write in the evenings or something, but I will still be filling your eyes with gold.
And the mog posts might have a bit more of a Saskatchewan flavor. Goin back to ma roots. Great Western brewing company here I come. No longer will I have to smuggle you across the border to get my fix. Your sales are about to take a spike.
As for your Friday today, make it a bing-banger. Do some mucking in the corners (this is hockey slang, I know it sounds dirty but get your mind out of the gutter, there are kids around, it is a completely legimate hockey term) dig that puck out and saucer into the slot to be one-timed top corner where you hide the candy in the pantry.
Woah, sorry bout that my hockey brain spewed forth there. Let's get back to reality. It's Friday, sunny spring day and the birds are chirping. Whip them reigns and lets get these horses runnin!
springisintheunderwear,
Mr. Esquire, Esq.
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